I wish I could teleport
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
