to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
