I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
