Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
