In the future we'll all be gay
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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