I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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