Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
