I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
