I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
