The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
