you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
