Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize