I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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