hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
