he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize