Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize