I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
