I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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