are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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