The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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