I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
