hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
