yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
