i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
