Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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