We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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