i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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