Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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