eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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