i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
