doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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