Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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