In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
