This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
