dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
