woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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