A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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