just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
