There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
