Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
