Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
