Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
