I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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