Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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