Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
