Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
