Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
