I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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