There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
