New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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