It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sex in a hospital.. check
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
