I just made out with a guy for $7.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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