im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
