My friends, they love my intelligence
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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