She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is the high leading the old right now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
