I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
