well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
