I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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