If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
COCAINE IS GR8
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
