wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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