so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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