Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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