my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
