the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
