I've blown a few things in my day
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
