I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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